Resources for you and your family
You can help your family stay safe by learning the facts about child abuse. Explore the resources below to find information about how to protect your children and how to teach them to protect themselves.
Actions you can take
Be vigilant about babysitters. Never leave your child with anyone you don’t know well, abuses substances or has a history of sexual offending. Be aware that having a history of any type of criminal behavior increases the risk for abuse. Trust your gut if someone makes you feel uncomfortable.
Get to know the parents of your child’s friends. It’s important to get acquainted before your child visits their home. At a minimum, know their first and last names, their address and phone number.
Check out anyone your child spends time with. This includes teachers, babysitters, day-care providers and youth group leaders. Regardless of what agency these adults represent, its important to spend time getting to know them.
Be suspicious of adults who want to spend a lot of time with your child. Adults should have adult friends, not friends who are children.
Be suspicious if an adult gives your child presents or treats on an ongoing basis. Sexual abuse usually begins with the offender gaining your trust and your child’s friendship.
Monitor and limit your child’s Internet access. Review what is on your child’s computer.
Take time to check in about touching and safety. Go over safety rules and personal boundaries with your child periodically.
Discuss Boundaries. Teach appropriate boundaries through discussion and role modeling. For example, all family members must wear clothing and must respect individual rights to privacy in dressing, bathing or sleeping.
Be calm and direct if your child discloses abuse. Reassure your child they have done nothing wrong and were right to tell. Don’t ask leading questions. Notify Child Protective Services and law enforcement and they will coordinate the investigation.
What children should know
Make sure they know essential contact information. Your child should know their full name, phone number and address as soon as it’s developmentally appropriate.
Teach the correct terms for body parts. Knowing the right terminology helps children feel more comfortable with their bodies and gives them the vocabulary to talk about a touching problem. Inappropriate touching can go unreported if a child doesn’t have the words to describe it or uses slang terms that adults do not understand.
Explain that their bodies are their own. Teach your child that they have a right not to be touched in a way that is uncomfortable, scary or confusing.
Help them identify adults they can turn to. Your child should be able to identify at least three trusted adults they can talk to if they are touched in an uncomfortable, scary or confusing way.
Tell them bad secrets are not okay. Teach your child that no one has the right to ask them to keep a secret that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Teach them the difference between a surprise and a secret. Help them understand the difference between a surprise, such as keeping a secret about a birthday present, and a bad secret, something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Secret friendships, secret touches and secret places are not okay.
Relay accurate and healthy information about sexuality. When your child asks a question, give accurate answers in easy-to-understand language, appropriate for your child’s age. Avoid long explanations that reach beyond the scope of the question. Answering first questions openly and honestly makes it more likely your child will feel comfortable discussing serious problems or concerns later on.
Do's and don'ts to teach children
Never accompany strangers. Children should never go with someone they don’t know, whether walking or driving.
Don’t wander around when lost. Locate a checkout counter, security office or lost and found instead.
Do not assist adults who are strangers. If an adult asks for directions or requests assistance finding a lost puppy, and so on, your child should get an adult. Adults should ask adults for help, not children.
Say no. If someone’s behavior makes your child feel uncomfortable, tell them to tell the person “No!” get away as soon as they can, confide in a trusted adult and keep telling until they get the help they need.
Say stop. Some touches, such as tickling, start out okay but may become problematic when the person won’t stop. Make sure your child understands they can always say, “Stop!”
Ask about touching.Let your children know they can ask you about whether a touch is okay or not. Be aware that sometimes using the terms “good touches” and “bad touches” can be confusing because inappropriate touching can sometimes feel good.
Child sexual abuse FAQs
Below are answers to common questions about child sexual abuse and sex offenders. Knowing the facts can help you protect your family and stop abuse before it starts.
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How prevalent is child sexual abuse?
In the United States, 1 in 10 children is sexually abused by the age of 18. For more information about this, visit Darkness to Light, a child abuse prevention program.
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Are children most likely to be sexually abused by strangers?
No, 80 to 90 percent of sexual offenders abuse children who are family members or children they know. When sexual abuse occurs within a family, it is likely to continue for a period of time, even years, until it is discovered and stopped.
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Are sexual offenders only male?
No, both males and females can sexually offend; however, males represent a higher percentage of known sex offenders.
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Do sex offenders stop abusing children as they age?
While most other criminals decrease their criminal activity as they age, sex offenders typically do not. Most sex offenders continue to offend until they are physically incapable. Successful completion of sex offender treatment can interrupt this behavior; however, extreme caution around children is still necessary.
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Will I hear about most sexual offenders in my community on the news or through sex offender registries?
The media often reports information on only the highest risk offenders. And while each state has a sex offender registry, the requirements dictating who must register and what information participants must provide varies from one state to another. The fact is the majority of sex offenders are unknown to the general public, either because information isn’t publicized or because they haven’t been caught yet.
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How does child sexual abuse begin?
Child sexual abuse usually begins with a sex offender gaining the trust of both child and parent and forging a friendship with them. Once a relationship has been established, the offender will test a child’s knowledge and ability to protect themselves. Sexual jokes, back rubs, “accidental” sexual touching, and hugging, often done in the presence of the parent, are utilized to test the waters. If these behaviors are not called out as inappropriate, the offender will increase the amount and type of sexual exposure. To adjust a child to sexual activity, offenders commonly utilize casual or “accidental” exposure to pornography. This entire process is known as “grooming.”
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Can sexual abuse ever be deterred?
It is always the responsibility of adults to ensure children’s safety. Visit Darkness to Light, a child abuse prevention program, for information about how to protect your child.
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Do children who have been sexually abused need therapy?
Sexual abuse can cause long-lasting problems well into adulthood. It is important to get children into counseling after abuse has been disclosed. It is also often necessary and healthy for adult survivors of child sexual abuse to re-enter counseling at various periods of their life to assist in working through issues that resurface.
Contact us
Mary Bridge’s Child Abuse Intervention Department is located at the Mary Bridge Safe and Sound Building
1112 S 5th St, Tacoma, WA 98405
Available Monday – Friday: 8am – 4:30pm.
If you have any concerns about your child’s safety or need help understanding age-appropriate sexual development, contact the Mary Bridge Child Abuse Intervention Department at 253-403-1478.