Feeling burned out? Strategies to help parents prioritize their mental health

Parenthood is full of joy — evident in the pictures we take and post online of graduations, birthday celebrations and developmental milestones reached. Yet what we don’t post about or even talk about often enough is parental burnout.

A 2022 study by Ohio State University found that 66 percent of working parents report feeling burned out— when stress and exhaustion overwhelm the ability to cope. All parents, whether or not they work outside the home, are at risk of burnout — and it can have an impact on the whole family.

“There’s a trickle-down effect between a parent’s mental health and both the physical and mental health of their children,” says Phintso Bhutia, MD, MPH, FAPA, medical director of the adolescent behavioral health unit at MultiCare Tacoma General Hospital.

Dr. Bhutia continues, “Children look to their parents for guidance, security and self-esteem as they develop. Parents who are neglecting their own mental health are likely to have difficulty being the source of support their children need to flourish.”

Multiple studies have documented how parents’ mental health influences their children. One study referenced by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that children who have a parent with poor mental health were more likely to have poor health overall, be exposed to violence in the home and experience mental, emotional or developmental disabilities, among other outcomes.

7 strategies to support your mental health

As a parent, prioritizing your own mental health may seem like a difficult goal to achieve when your to-do list is already a mile long. The following tips don’t require a lot of resources and can go a long way toward preventing burnout, lowering your stress level and fostering connections that nurture both you and your family.

1. Take a few minutes for yourself every day.

Carving out a little time to unwind is easier said than done, yet it’s key to supporting your well-being across the lifespan.

“I tell parents the same thing that I tell the frontline providers in our behavioral health unit — you can’t take care of the children if you aren’t taking care of yourself,” says Dr. Bhutia. “Daily self-care doesn’t require big chunks of time — it could be taking 15 minutes to go on a walk alone or to sit on the couch and read a magazine or whatever feels restorative to you. Incorporating little self-care activities into each day benefits you and your child.”

2. Pause and check in with yourself every day.

Brief moments of self-refection can help you better understand what areas of your life are going well, what areas may need attention and what you need to thrive.

“Take a few minutes to consider what situations you found yourself in that day, how they went, how you felt and whether you could have dealt with them differently,” Dr. Bhutia says. “The goal isn’t to get caught up in guilt or self-judgment. It’s to see where there are opportunities to grow and improve — and we all have them.”

3. Don’t wait to seek help.

Knowing when you need help and asking for it are signs of emotional strength and wisdom. Professional behavioral health services can benefit parents dealing with conditions such as anxiety and depression, as well as those experiencing burnout or struggling with stress.

“If you notice a pattern of behavior that’s negatively affecting your family, for example if you’re frequently losing your temper or withdrawing a lot, it’s likely time to seek help,” says Dr. Bhutia. “But you also don’t need to wait until an issue has grown so disruptive that it’s impacting your loved ones. Unfortunately, there is still some stigma attached to seeking mental health care. However, the truth is it can benefit anyone.”

4. Be mindful of what you commit to.

As a parent, it’s tempting to try to do it all — to sign up your children for after-school and weekend enrichment opportunities, put in those extra hours at work to further your career, keep the house clean and clutter-free, and the list goes on. But saying yes to too many activities and tasks is a fast track to burnout.

“Children are very perceptive. If you’re constantly running around and stressed out, they can start to internalize that pressure,” says Dr. Bhutia. “It’s OK to say no to things. There’s value in modeling what it means to set limits for your children and yourself.”

5. Spend meaningful time with your family every day.

You’ve likely heard how important to it is to spend quality time with your children. What does that look like? It varies for each family, but quality time at its essence is about being fully present no matter what you’re doing.

“There should be at least one touch point in the day where you give your children your undivided attention. Maybe that’s eating a meal together, reading a book together at bedtime or just listening to them talk about their day,” says Dr. Bhutia. “That touch point lays the groundwork for openness and good communication as they grow.”

6. Don’t take adolescent behavior personally.

Why don’t they listen to me anymore? Why are they being so disrespectful? Why are they so moody? Sometimes teenagers’ behavior can be a source of conflict and stress for parents. It can be helpful to remember that a lot of these behaviors, though unpleasant, are a normal part of development.

“For the first time in their lives, adolescents are trying to form their own identities. They tend to seek guidance from their peers rather than their parents — who they’re starting to realize are actually flawed human beings,” says Dr. Bhutia. “It’s important to give them the space to do this.”

7. Schedule regular time to talk with a spouse, partner or someone close to you. 

Communication with a spouse or partner can frequently center on household management rather than on thoughts and feelings. However, it’s important to check in with each other.

“Regularly set aside private time, away from earshot of your children, to talk about life stressors with your spouse or partner. These conversations can help lighten the load for both of you, ensure you are parenting in a consistent way and support overall family stability,” says Dr. Bhutia. “Single parents also need a sounding board — consider reaching out to family members and friends for support.”

Visit Mental Health America for a variety of parenting-related mental health resources.

This article was originally published in May 2022 and updated in May 2023.