Filling stomachs and building healthy habits for life

That familiar grumble roars in your stomach. You check your watch and realize it’s lunchtime. Without knowing it, your body has done what it’s built to do and signaled that it’s time to eat.

When did the body learn that, though?

“For healthy populations and most children, we are born knowing when and how much to eat,” says Erica Lewis, MS, RD, CD, Health Promotion Program Manager at Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital. “Some children may need additional feeding therapy support for eating difficulties, but regardless it is a developmental skill we must support both within the home and as children experience new environments.”

As we age, it’s just as important to retain and grow eating competence in a society that puts so much importance on thinness and diet culture.

The Mary Bridge Children’s health promotion team has shifted their focus from pediatric weight to the feeding relationship and eating competence through the “5 Keys to Feeding Well.” These principles are based on the Ellyn Satter Division of Responsibility in Feeding, an internationally recognized authority.

Caregivers are responsible for:

• What
• When
• Where

Children are responsible for:

• How much
• Whether

By respecting this breakdown of responsibility, trust is built between caregivers and children, mealtimes are less of a battle and children learn to listen to their bodies.

A primary aspect of this approach, Lewis says, is providing, not restricting. When children trust they will receive regular meals, they are more likely to stop eating when comfortably full.

Her team also stresses the importance of presenting new foods in a neutral manner. Most things will be foreign to children for a while, so forcing them to eat may result in frustration or defiance at the table. Try having at least one familiar food on the table the child knows they like, and one new food — this prevents catering to likes and dislikes while simultaneously providing a level of comfort.

“In response, caregivers often find that children only eat what they need to feel satisfied, while slowing learning to try new foods,” Lewis adds.

Diets don’t work at any age

We’ve all fallen prey to the notion that we need to diet after gaining extra weight. But did you know it’s just as easy for caregivers to put that pressure on children, too?

Lewis’ team explains this by looking at the restriction cycle. It begins with the caregiver’s recognition that a child is in a larger body, which leads them to believe it’s a result of eating too much. Caregivers then restrict food, and the child loses their ability to internally regulate their bodies, which results in the child eating more and adults restricting more.

By then, everyone feels a sense of failure, which is reinforced by society’s focus on thinness. And the cycle starts again.

As we build trust with our children through eating competence, it’s just as important to trust that they’re growing up in the body that is right for them. Caregivers can help children reach that potential through skill-based learning about what they’re eating and encouraging active lifestyles in a way the child enjoys.

That could be through food-related, age-appropriate experiences like growing a garden, shopping at a farmer’s market or promoting more engagement at mealtimes, for example, setting the table or helping mix ingredients. Try experimenting with flavors, textures, shapes and cooking methods. And don’t forget, playtime is exercise for children.

Sharing meals builds healthy habits

As adults, we regularly make dinner plans with friends and partners, but eating as a group is just as beneficial for children.

Sitting down as a group tends to include meals with more food groups, and conversation allows for slower eating and more opportunities to recognize you are full, Lewis explains. For children, eating with others can model good food choices, behaviors and habits, and promote exploration, all while building trust with the people around them.

We know it can be tough to find time to sit down as a family every night, so don’t be afraid to start small with one night a week. Leave phones off the table, plan a well-balanced meal ahead of time to reduce stress, have engaging conversations and find fun ways to incorporate new foods. By recognizing the importance of taking time to enjoy a nutritious meal from a young age, we are building that habit for life.

Children are sponges

Just as children will learn from their caregivers’ behaviors and actions, they will also learn from their words.

“It is important for us to check our language and leave biases at the door,” Lewis says. “Like, ‘I’m feeling fat’ or ‘You look great, have you lost weight?’”

It isn’t always obvious that our words could come across as negative or offensive, likely because they weren’t meant that way. Because of that, Lewis says it’s best to steer away from body comments entirely — even when it’s about ourselves. Children are not only listening to everything we say, but also see how we react when we think about ourselves through a negative body image lens. Teaching children about their own body strengths and being an encouraging voice in the world of conflicting social media messaging will do wonders in the long term.

It will take practice, but start by avoiding statements based in weight stigma, especially in the presence of children. Instead of saying “overweight,” try “living in a larger body” and instead of “ideal weight,” try “higher or lower end of the weight spectrum” — or create a safe space to discuss the language someone feels most comfortable with.

Learn more about caregiver classes and nutrition resources at Pediatric Wellness – Mary Bridge Children’s  

This post was originally published in January 2023 and was updated in September 2024.