Resources

Normal grief experiences

What you may experience physically

• tightness in the throat or in the muscles
• heaviness or pressure in the chest
• inability to sleep
• periods of nervousness or even panic
• lack of desire to eat
• desire to eat
• headaches or stomach/intestinal disorders
• lack of energy
• inability to concentrate

What you may experience emotionally

• sadness and/or depression
• forgetfulness
• unexpected anger toward others, God or self
• may cry easily and/or unexpectedly
• mood swings
• may feel uncomfortable around other people (or)
• may not want to be alone
• feelings of emptiness or having been cheated
• haunted by thoughts of “if only” things had happened differently
• desire to run away or become very busy
• may feel like you’re “going crazy” when overwhelmed with intensity of feelings

What to do for physical relief

• In early stages of grief, don’t force yourself to eat more than you want. As your appetite returns, eat a healthy, well-balanced diet.
• Get some exercise, even a peaceful, quiet walk. Physical exercise helps to relax you.
• It may be helpful to give up caffeine (coffee, colas, tea, Anacin, etc.) as a way to relieve nervousness. Beware of alcohol which is a depressant. Some findings indicate alcohol interrupts normal sleep patterns.
• Check frequently that you have balance in your life; rest, recreation, prayer/meditation, and work.

What to do for emotional relief and healing

• Be gentle with yourself. Although you may often feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that what you are going through is normal.
• Reach out to others. It is important to find friends with whom you can talk. Sharing with someone who’s “been there” can be especially helpful.
• Be aware that people grieve in different ways. Don’t measure your progress in handling grief against others.
• You may or may not cry often, but when you do, realize it is therapeutic. Don’t fight the tears. As the author Jean G. Jones says, “Cry when you have to—and laugh when you can.”
• Become familiar with the normal experiences of grieving and be willing to engage in your own grief work.
• Remember that grieving takes time and that experiences and emotions can recur. Be patient with yourself, either consciously or unconsciously, due to unrealistic expectations.
• Other events in your life may also be grief situations (trouble with spouse, children, work or friends). Realize this happens to many grieving people and these situations can complicate the grieving process.
• Find support from both inside and outside your family. Don’t expect your family to meet all your needs.
• Many of us have been brought up to be independent; “I am going to handle this on my own.” We find it difficult to ask for help. Yet we all need support. Take the risk of joining a support group. Asking for help from “caring people” can make a big difference in your working through your grief.
• It may be time to struggle with new life patterns. In the past, you may have handled grief by over activity. If your previous style of grieving has not been helpful, be willing to try new approaches such as; become active in a support group; find telephone or on-line friends; read and learn about grief; develop new coping skills; reach out and help others; hold on to HOPE.